Confession.

i read thousand books filled with gut-wrenching stories and memorable quotes.

i travel endless places, drowning my feet under the blue sea water and touching the thick clouds with my bare hand.

i talk to different people with different personalities, laughing at silly moments and disclosing my deepest secrets.

yet, i'm still drowning in despair and grieving in sorrow. i want to scream as loud as i can, but the voice won't come out. passing day by day, i think about you all the time. i'm afraid of losing you, while i know for a fact that i lost you a long time ago.

i'm tired of fighting a losing battle. i can't stop loving you, alright? and what's wrong with that? why am i trying so hard to forget about you? i don't need any sacred reason or some heavy philosophical concepts to love someone. the reason i've been suffering all this time is that i'm too afraid to accept what my heart truly feels. i love you because i feel it that way. love is undefined: it isn't all about indulging oneself in each other's arms, embracing their everyday existence, or vowing to be faithful as a husband and a wife till death do them part. and if there should be a reason why, i want to love you in my own way, in my own silence and emptiness. i'd get old and die without having known your presense for years, solely clinging to my old past memories. this little thing is enough to fulfill this lonely heart.

i'll always love you, my moon. with you or without you.