I decided to be married at forty and have no kids

That was my final decision and it was not only based on a whim. People would mock me for being a coward and tell me I should act more like a man instead. They would say something like 'you have to find the right one and fight for her love'. No matter how much I disagreed with them even came up with some reasoning (or excuses they might say) why I thought of it that way, I wouldn't deny it nonetheless. What did they say, which I had to half-heartedly admit contain half-truth in it. 

So why? If I concurred with some of their notion, what was the main reason then? Well, for once was too scared to lose someone again right now. I'd made mistakes in my life, I did hurt people, and when Kanye West said he was scared of the karma, so was I.  And also in this fast-changing and unpredictable world, who would have anticipated everything. 'At least you got someone who would be there for you' and what if they gave up on me? Because I couldn't guarantee that on that particular days I would still have the same spirit and ideology when I was young and free? 

But I had a feeling that one day, an omen, a premonition, whatever it was called. Before I'd finally turned forty, I would meet someone. And it was far from movie scene where two people suddenly feel connected after being separated for years. No. Probably we would be having a small talk by accident because there was no seat left in the park, and how great the weather was. It was a sunny day and the wind blew softly. We would talk for good hours about our youth (eventhough we weren't that old yet but still at that age you would feel that you were being closer to death rather than your birth.)

And that was it. I supposed.